reflections

Paying Attention to the Details of Space (Day 14)

There is something about being unwell that makes you think of home. I was in Saudi after I graduated from undergrad for a month long study trip, and after the first week I was nearly in tears because I hadn’t managed to speak to my family. Four years later I’ve grown in the sense I don’t experience homesicknesses in the same way, but if it were possible, it would be amazing to jet home for an hour, breathe the air and come back. (My big toe is also very red and swollen from an awful bite, so in general though still enthusiastic, my desire to explore is low today).

After having breakfast at seven in the morning, I’ve been asleep for the past several hours trying to recover from a cold that sprung after a visit to a very cool, but very polluted gallery space 2 days ago. I spent yesterday (Sunday) resting at the hotel, and after another calm day today God willing I should be back in action soon(I can’t bear the fever, running nose and cough combo for too much longer!) So many members of our group have been unwell recently, but I’ve been ok, but I think this latest visit was too much for my lungs to handle. The rest of the group left this morning for a trip to Borobudur and Yogyakarta for about five days, but I decided to stay here in Bandung to explore a bit more. So thankfully I’m not missing any scheduled site visits, though it is a bit strange being on my own, and I’d like to venture out soon.

And my apologies for not having blogged for the past few days! My draft folder is filled with long unfinished entries, but the more I have to process, the harder it is for me to write, and the past few days have been so rich that I’m still struggling to make sense of everything we’ve seen and experienced in the first week. When I’ve been sitting down to write, I’m not sure what to start with first, the visit to the rice paddies we did a few days ago where we found a tiny one room masjid (mosque) near one of the rice paddies, the visit to a slum/creative village, where it seemed all the children of the village came out to see us and we were treated to an impromptu musical performance (featuring instruments like empty water coolers and other household items) the ambivalent attitude that so many people we’re meeting have towards religion, the number of questions I get (as opposed to the other members of our group) about what country I’m from and my religious practice, the speaker we met at the metropolitan board we met who broke down crying when speaking to us about how the urban poor in Bandung cannot meet their transportation costs and women end up entering prostitution, the list goes on and on of things that I’m thinking about and processing.

 One of the things I was thinking about this morning as everyone was leaving though, was the spatial design of living space. Each room of this hotel is different, and in the room that I share with one of the girls on the trip, we have a little foyer that has heavy curtains so that those outside cannot see in, sliding doors you can pull out to separate the foyer from the rest of the room, and then curtains which you then pull out over the sliding door so that those in the foyer and outside cannot see you. It’s a very private, segregated space, and I love it.

This morning the group assembled at 6:30 am to catch their train, and several people were planning on dropping off their luggage to our room so that they didn’t have to cart everything around while they were away. I ended up getting up so I could join everyone for breakfast, but while I was sleeping, because of our sliding door/curtains combination, people entered our foyer and it didn’t matter that I wasn’t wearing my scarf. This clear demarcation between public and private space is  wonderful culturally sensitive, inclusive room design, and something to think about as planners when we design spaces (such as recreational spaces for instance). Who is using a space, and what sort of privacy needs and usage needs they may have, should impact the way we structure space.
More later hopefully. And hopefully this cold and bites will sort themselves out soon!

Love is a Steaming Cup of Chai

It’s been nearly three months since my last blog post. I took a bit of a break to work on my research project, and then the gap grew larger as I started to think about the process of blogging itself and ask myself: Does it make sense to share one’s thoughts and reflections with a wider audience?  I was pondering the question while taking a class about improving the quality and state of one’s heart, and in that context, it felt like chattering about one’s feelings and reflections was indulging in a thinking process that could have just as well gone in a journal. Today though, I opened an almost empty notebook and found an unfinished blog post about falling in love with Toronto that was dated from this past summer. The short entry led me back to the blog, and reading the small number of posts here was a beautiful reminder of moments in Toronto that touched my heart, and people I’ve met here that have left an indelible imprint on my heart and mind. It made me wish I had blogged more often, as it is a qualitatively different type of reflection than the (also important) experience that occurs when I pick up a Moleskine to jot down thoughts.

And since I leave Toronto in about a month for the post graduation chapter of my life, I’ve included it below as a reminder to keep the same joy and peace in my heart as I soak up this last bit of time I have in this beloved city, to have trust that the next chapter will hopefully bring forth goodness and adventures in equal measure, and to remember to blog along the way.

My love for Toronto is a steaming cup of chai with the Roommate, sweet mangoes for breakfast, a late night guitar jam session on the beach, finding the way home using the CN tower, a smile from a stranger on the elevator, new challenges at work, walking the tree-shaded streets of U of T, hearing birds outside my office window, sitting and watching the lake sparkle at the Harbourfront and seeing the Ford Centre full of people excited about the ballet during a evening stroll. It’s  watching trains go by from my apartment window with my nephew and stretching our imaginations to create stories about where people are going.  Even after so many months, my love and happiness with this city still feels like an unexpected gift.

Sometimes the thought of whether something is right or whether you’re doing what you’re meant to be doing is so strong that the attention can be intensely uncomfortable. It is difficult to be completely relaxed and open when you’re analyzing your experiences and emotions constantly. But from first term when I frequently thought about what Toronto meant, without realizing it was even happening, a natural, easy contentment with Toronto has slipped into my life. ~ May 28th 2011.

Figure Out Your Intentions (Lessons From Hart House Training)

No matter what your external dimensions are, if you’re connected to yourself and your motivations are clear, you can light up a room with your personality, regardless of how petite you are. It’s not  related.

In acting you won’t get too nervous if you know what your character wants. It’s like life. If you know what you want and why you are where you are, it’s much easier to be motivated and get what you need to do done. If you don’t know why you are where you are, and the reason you’re doing what you’re doing, you’ll feel self conscious. Words that come through the heart and actions that are connected  to feelings will be successful. All words can be powerful when connected to the heart.

There are questions to ask yourself: where am I? what do I want? if I get what I want, what will it fulfill? Why do I want what I want? It’s important to know your values and what you find most important so that your activities resonate through those particular values. When you know where you are and where you want to be, you find lots of opportunities to build character. Often people will decrease their power so that they become smaller and don’t have to be vulnerable. But don’t apologise for yourself. Until you’re courageous and recognise who you are, aren’t fully alive. The greater your spirit is about the work that you do, the greater your work will be. It’s also helpful to have rituals. In drama, we have specific rituals, from voice to nutrition and meditation, and you need to find relevant rituals in your own life to be engaged.

~Kevin McCormick,Hart House Programme Intern Training, August 2011

2 Years Later,I’ve Got a Different Question (Reflections on Home and Travel)

Greetings friends!  Today’s episode (I still have a bad cold, but you can hear it here ) is about how although my term papers are still in full force, the sight of suitcases past my door of students has only intensified my desire to go home. I can’t wait to see my family, see the mountains, hug my books, make tea in a kettle,  have lunch on a proper dining table, cook food on actual counters, and iron my clothes on a honest to goodness ironing board. (I could go on and on) I found an old post from Dec 2009 today that talks about an equally intense feeling at that point in time, the desire to go and visit unknown places, and push myself to learn new things. Where in the home/travel spectrum are you? What are you thinking about? Do share your thoughts.

What are the qualities of an intriguing workplace?

Hi readers! I’ve got a bit of a cold, so please pardon the foggy voice and thinking in the fourth episode of the Seriously Planning podcast. As the job search for my first proper planning job begins, today’s episode (click here to listen) is about things that are important to me in a workplace. It’s of course not an exhaustive list, but I’m curious to know, what makes an organization one that you want to be a part of? Do add your comments below.

I have a serious crush on SCARP

It’s a snowy day, and I’m huddled in bed writing a term paper about planning education. As part of my research, I went to the website of the School of Community and Regional Planning at UBC, and I think I’ve just developed a crush on the school. It seems like a place that takes social planning and policy seriously, and the courses look amazing. They have a specialization in social planning, another specialization in comparative planning (ie-planning in other cities and the Global South,  studio courses for social planners, multimedia courses, and their theory course is taught by Leonie Sandercock!

The question is, why isn’t social planning emphasized as strongly at planning schools/discussions in Ontario?  The Ontario Professional Planning Institute defines planning as the “scientific, aesthetic and orderly disposition of land resources, facilities and services within a view of securing the physical, economic and social efficiency and well being of urban and rural communities”, but planning, (at least in the way it’s approached at UBC and according to other practitioners I’ve met this year) seems to be a lot more than that.

Every Day is a Day of Giving Thanks

While reading Ralph Waldo Emerson’s essay Nature today, I came across this beautiful paragraph:

The misery of man appears like childish petulance, when we explore the steady and prodigal provision that has been made for his support and delight on the green ball which floats him through the heavens. What angels invented these splendid ornaments, these rich conveniences, this ocean of air above, this ocean of water beneath, this firmament of earth between? This zodiac of lights, this tent of dropping clouds, this striped coat of climates, this fourfold year? Beasts, fire, water, stones and corn serve him. The field is at once his floor, his work-yard, his playground, his garden and his bed.

“More servants wait on man/Than he’ll take notice of.”

And this one:

To go into solitude, a man needs to retire as much from his chamber as from society. I am not solitary whilst I read and write though nobody is with me. But if a man would be alone, let him look at the stars. The rays that come from those heavenly worlds will separate between him and what he touches. One might think the atmosphere was made transparent with this design, to give man, in the heavenly bodies, the perpetual presence of the sublime. Seen in the streets of the cities, how great they are! If the stars should appear one night in a thousand years, how would men believe and adore; and preserve for many generations the remembrance of the city of God which had been shown! But every night come out these envoys of beauty, and light the universe with their admonishing smile.

In addition to those tremendous blessings Emerson describes there is so much to be thankful for closer to home. I’m thankful for beautiful parents, siblings that double as best friends, a lovely nephew, dear friends that inspire me with their example to do better, teachers, professors and fellow students who demonstrate what it means to have a polished intellect and contribute to your community, and a university and city full of people searching after knowledge and striving to be the best they can be. I love this city of art, interesting people, public lectures, books, and Islamic classes and its energy never fails to fill me with joy. I love studying at a university with beautiful prayer spaces and neverending activities, and having the opportunity to live with inspirational junior students (I’m a residence don), and soak up their courage and enthusiasm for life. And I’m grateful for “fresh new days with no mistakes in them” as Anne would say, days that are opportunities to become better at things I find so challenging.

Because friends, the days of this lovely graduate school adventure suddenly feel very limited. The days are short, and what seemed to be a long two year experiment not that long ago, now feels alarmingly short. Far too often, I get stressed about what lies ahead and all the unknowns in the future (what job, what city, will everything get done?) and like Emerson’s description of people ignoring the stars, I forget to notice how extraordinary everything around me actually is.

Everything that is a part of my life I prayed and wished for beforehand, and when all these different things now challenge me and ask me to be a better, kinder more intelligent person, my knee-jerk reaction is to feel stressed and overwhelmed, and worry about how I’ll manage it all. I want to improve though and embrace the “joy of the strife”  instead of retreating into what is safe and comfortable or feeling worried about outcomes that are not within my control.

I was on a panel with Professor David Naylor the President of U of T a couple of weeks ago, and during the conversation he told us not to think about what we wanted our legacies to be, because the best thing  was “to find something you love and to follow it as far as you can.” A legacy is something that “20-30 years later someone will figure out”, but it is important “not to take ourselves so seriously” because “we’re all grains of sand”. After all, even as a university president, “in 200 years, your portrait is in the basement”.

And so in the spirit of learning more about what I love and following it as far as I can, I’m going to try to write more frequently about thesis writing, my new neighbourhood, working at Hart House, the interesting people, the lovely readings, the intellectual problems, and all the rest of the adventures and things I’m thinking through this year. It’s a different set of challenges, a different set of people, and if you’re interested in reading, I’m looking forward to sharing bits and pieces with you and giving thanks on a more regular basis.